He is Russia’s most famous psychologist, and his quotes on marriage have elicited numerous comments. A man who sometimes sounds like the biggest cynic, but also knows how to talk when he advises women, parents, people who have the feeling that they will never be happy.
There is no indifference to the words of Mikhail Labkovsky: one completely accepts them, one denies with resentment. But both words have enormous power. They are based on “healthy cynicism” and years of experience.
A healthy person does not want to marry. The first thing to do is to stop wanting to get married. In other words, if you want to get married, you should stop thinking about it.
The pledge of happy family life, marriage, and sex with only one partner is only in one – in a stable psyche. No concessions, no compromises – it’s all a direct path to a cardiologist or oncologist. When a man has a stable psyche, he can live with one partner all his life. And that he loves him.
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People don’t like being nice. For a man, a woman is just an empty space, if he cannot tell about her, who she is, what she is and what she likes for breakfast. The paradox is that bossy, bitchy women worship men.
The cause of women’s problems is not that he acts like a goat. The cause is that she has a neurosis, which requires output. And that exit requires a certain man and the relationships in which she might suffer. Because of this, she deliberately enters into such relationships because she has a psychic need for it since childhood.
We measure love with a level of suffering. In healthy love – it’s about how lucky you are.
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When a flight attendant shows a lifeline, what does she say about the oxygen mask? “If you are traveling with children, put on a mask first and then a child.” That’s the trick. Everyone is trying to help the child while remaining absolutely unbalanced. That’s not how it works. If you want your baby to be okay, do something with your head first.
Men have been so structured since time with their mother, approaching only those who give their eyes approval. A healthy man is like a kid. He approaches when his wife smiles, looking into his eyes …
Healthy people always choose for the benefit of themselves, and neuroticism – the attitude at the expense of self, is the main difference.
A woman should never tolerate what she does not like about her. He needs to talk about it right away, and if a man doesn’t change, he should deal with it.
Men are like children, they like it when a woman has character.
If a man replaces the whole world with another, it means that he does not have his own world.
Loneliness – This is not a lack of love around. It has been an absence of interest in oneself since childhood.
At the expense of looking for a partner I will say, who are you looking for? The only quality your partner can have is that he catches you. Everything else doesn’t matter at all. If you love him, you care for him, then there are no “hooks”.
What should one do to get married? All in all, there is only one thing to do – be your own. That is enough. And to love in principle just for the sake of it.
Do you know the fundamental difference between a healthy person and a neurotic? A healthy person suffers too, but because of realistic stories. The neurotic suffers from fictitious stories. And if suffering is not enough, he must still increase it with his beloved Kafka, Dostoyevsky and a bottle.
If you do not like how a man behaves, you should not seek excuses for his behavior. A situation where “not named” for a healthy girl means the end of a relationship, for an unhealthy one – the beginning of love.
As writer Christopher Buckley (author of the Thank You for a Smoking novel, said this movie) said, one should not eat at a diner called “Mom’s Home” and go to bed with a woman who has more problems than you.
Modesty adorns no one. Because of her complexity, insecurity and low self-esteem, a girl lives without sex and relationships, not because she is bad but because she treats herself badly. The psychologist’s job is to get her out of it.
Family therapy is a divorce. I find only one type of family therapy really useful – mediation by a psychologist in divorce. But that is not what they practice in Russia.
The only time in a person’s life when he or she is objectively dependent and can be considered a hostage is childhood and parental dependence. This takes a relatively short time. In all other cases, staying in any relationship is the choice of an adult.
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